Currently Listening Speak for Yourself By Imogen Heap see related

Time again for the monthly post I see...

Something I was thinking about today, which makes me long for my actions to really match up with my faith.  I was thinking about how with most religions people weigh the facts and understand the religion before deciding to believe.  But, when it comes to Christianity, people don't do that as often, they simply look at the people that do believe and decide that they would rather not be anything like those believers and turn away.  This is why I long to be more like the Christ.  It was interesting reading a passage in Luke, of Jesus teaching, and thinking about all the Christian friends I have that just don't take Christ seriously.  It is even more interesting that people turn away from Jesus because of people who say they believe and have actions that don't match.  When people say that they don't believe in Christianity because of the people who are Christians, I can do nothing but agree completely.  In fact, I don't believe in Christianity at all, or myself for that matter, but I believe in Christ, the Son of the Living God, and the Holy Living Word of God.  So, instead of look to other humans for the answer to the way we should live maybe Christians should actually look to Jesus.  Maybe if I, instead of pointing to myself for the answers to my friends problems or even the World's problem, begin to point to Christ,  then somewhat because of me the world may actually begin to be a better place.  But really it wouldn't be me at all... funny huh?     

Currently Reading The Cost of Discipleship By Dietrich Bonhoeffer see related

I find it increasingly harder to understand myself at times.  It seems that as much as I long to be in complete touch with reality, I also want to escape it at the same time.  Most times my heart is not ready for the pain and suffering of reality, but also if I do not somehow stay through the hard parts of reality then I will never see the glory and the joy in reality.  Just as in Christ died, and that was the pain and suffering, but after that came life.  Sometimes I feel that while waiting for the life that comes only after the death I get distracted, or rather I make myself distracted because the pain of reality is too much to bear.  Sometimes I wish that those also in reality would actually be in reality.  I think when facing the world through the reality of Christ it is hard not to become part of the world, especially if you are facing the world with simply yourself and Christ.  That is why the church, God's beloved bride, is so utterly important.  I want a church, a real one, worthy to be called the bride. 

Sometimes I also miss friends, the deep kind, that go out of their way often for you.  Not because they try to or they plan to but simply because they care for you that much, and they don't even notice they are going out of the way.  I miss feeling like someone cared that deeply, and while wishing for this I remember one who did go out of the way for me.  One who went so far out of the way he went to death.  One who left all to call me and to comfort me.  I only hope that through Him I can show the same to others, never really expecting anything in return.  And I will never notice going out of the way, but it will mean so much more to those around.  The only way to do this is to change the direction of the day to always being an upward direction rather than an inward direction.  The little things that you don't notice doing mean the most to people and the only way to do them is to constantly be seeking something bigger than ones own self.  I just miss have Christ shown to me in real ways through real people.  And really the lack of this is really mostly likely my unnoticing heart.  I am just too blinded by my own self pity, that I don't even notice the pain others may face for me.  And really I hurt the one who cares so deeply.  It is a cycle of pain.

Currently Reading Reflections for Ragamuffins: Daily Devotions from the Writings of Brennan Manning By Brennan Manning see related

not very good... but maybe worth a read

November

We became so close so fast;

He moved in and took my soul.

That first week he was himself,

He began to hide behind a cloud.

I kept seeking,

I kept prying,

He moved farther and farther away.

Finally I said what I was feeling;

He informed me of his ways,

And those are the ways,

It should stay.

Then I left him,

But remained beside,

Now he hides so deep inside.

It's all a lie,

The secrets out,

He hides himself behind the doubt,

He only does it for himself.

He says he cares,

But he can't show,

The way he feels,

I'll never know.

He only wants to please himself,

He hides behind the cloud.

I won’t find him anywhere,

I've lost him to his true love.

He loves to lose himself

But not to find

Only lost to all who love

He never cares enough

He only hides behind the cloud.

The night is drawing close,

But only those who

Can tell, will find the Light

They draw even closer in

While others hide,

Hide themselves.

They lose it all but not to find,

They lose it all to lose.

And who shall help them find?

All those who find themselves

Stay closely drawing to the Light.

And night closes in all around,

When will he find the Light.

Through the cloud he loses more,

And I must go.

The light calls me on

To lose myself in the Light

To find myself in the night.

Currently Reading Jesus Among Other Gods The Absolute Claims Of The Christian Message By Ravi Zacharias see related

How I have identified with Disney's the Little Mermaid

As I have been working 8 to 12 hours a day or night really.  It leaves me a lot of time to ponder many things.  And this was just a reoccurring though in the last few weeks so I thought I would right about it on Xanga.

I have always loved the little Mermaid, Disney's of course, and recently I have been realizing all the ways that I identify with the little Mermaid.  First, she has a perfectly good life living where she does and with whom she does, but it is not satisfying to her soul.  She always wants the whole new world.  I have always had a perfectly good life, not void of the occasional ups and downs, but by all means not bad.  Somehow, I have always wanted something different, a different place, a whole new world if you will. 

Finally the little Mermaid gets her wish, only she can not speak with anyone because she is muted.  And she makes many mistakes while there, such as using the eating utensils as a hair brush or the pipe as a flute.  She crosses from sea culture to land culture and finds herself in a wonderful place a loves it.  I was given the opportunity to go to a whole new world for me, which was China.  And though I was not muted I could not speak the language, or use the eating utensils for that matter. 

But the little Mermaid falls in love with someone from a different world, and for this I have not done, nor do I plan to do.  But the option is always there.  So maybe I will be the little Mermaid waiting for my Prince Erik.  I don't think so though.  For me I find joy in the whole new world and it makes me want to see more worlds, as in cultures.  There are so many ancient cultures with amazing customs that I want to learn about and part of.  So, maybe the little Mermaid and I aren't that much a like after all.  But I still wouldn't mind having who's its and what's it galore.

Currently Reading Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson By Mitch Albom see related

Well, I graduated about a month or more ago and since then I have been living the life of a retired person.  I have been spending tons of time with my grandparents and friends.  I have been reading and running and riding my bike.  I have often joked with my grandpa about just trying to get singed up for social security, which he thinks is very funny. 

The doors haven't really flung open for me to do something that I would enjoy doing.  I did have an offer that I turned down because the only reason I wanted it was for the benefits, not because I would actually be doing something that I would enjoy.  I have been looking into a lot of things, most of them end up being volunteer things.  I really do just want to help others and the environment, but it just seems that working in a state park wouldn't actually pay.  Sometimes I wonder what it would take to get into the Sisters of Charity, and would I have to be Catholic? 

Anyhow, I start training for a temporary post office job one week from tomorrow.  This job should work me hard like a factory job and pay well for 6 months, at the end of which I hope to leave the country for anywhere.  My most recent thought and passion has been moving to Quito, Ecuador and studying Spanish and then trying to get a job there... but who knows what crazy ideas I will have before I actually follow through with that.